BUILDING A HOME OF YOUR CHOICE

 Building A Marriage Of Your Choice

TEXT: Genesis 28: 18-25; Psalm 127:1-5; Ephesians 5:21-23; Proverbs 18:22, 24:3-6

INTRODUCTION
Marriage is like a building, it requires wisdom and knowledge of God to build it. It is a vision from heaven, then it requires the help of He that formed it first. Except the Lord builds your marriage, you will simply be laboring in vain. It requires love, understanding and proper connection to the Spirit of God to get all you need in your home. The success of your home is a choice, it does not fall like ripe fruits from heavWhen I When you have a wrong picture of your husband in your mind, you cannot be happy in that home aga,in until you change that image. Such bad pictures of your husband in your mind will always make his good intentions to be misinterpreted. You can't have peace in your life if you take away your husband's peace.

CHOOSING THE RIGHT PARTNER FOR LIVING
1. No man is an angel, but any man can become an angel of any home by the making of a good woman. Genesis 2:18, 21-25
2. No man has all the qualities it takes to make a good home, but every good quality needed can, be cultivated. Don't choose because of riches, but by the love of God. Prov. 18:22
3. The success of your marriage is in your hands. Every good marriage is built by someone like you. Prov. 14:1
4. Every woman must have a vision, to build a man of her choice. So you don't get, tired until the man of your choice is ,found in your home. If it is a vision, it requires hard work and tolerance to get such a man. Isaiah 62:1-7

BUILDING ACCORDING TO VISION
1. Do you have a vision for your home? If yes, then write and explain that vision to yourself and build it to succeed. Hab. 2:2-3
2. It takes a renewed mind to have an excellent home not conformed to the world. Rom. 12:1-2
3. Marriage is not bondage, slavery, or captivity, it is God's mini-kingdom on Earth. 2 Cor. 6:11-18
4. Do not be a brawling, barking, nagging, and gossiping woman. Prov. 21:9,19; 15:1
5. Learn to protect the image of your husband from destructiograveyardrdur home a grave yard where many people are killed through gossip. Prov. 26:20-28
6. Never hand over your husband to Satan by your character. Prov. 24: 3-6

BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE ON A SOLID FOUNDATION
1. The only power that can crush your marriage is the one you devoteto work. 1 Pet. 3:8-11
2. The greatest obedience is the obedience in the presence and the absence of your husband. Phil. 2:12
3. When problems are properly handled in marriage, the bitterness in them disappears without delay. Isa. 43:18-19
4. When problems are given room in marriage your home becomes a dangerous home. Prov. 18:6-8
5. The devil can never force you whenpontoonsnontoonis offer in your home. 1 Peter 5:8-9
6. When marriage is wrongly handled, you become bitter rather than better. Mal. 2:14-16
7. If lgivesve theevethe e freedom to reign in any home, nothing stands to oppose and win. 1 Cor. 13:4-7

CONCLUSION
Love is the mhealsmortalss mostmoststtt grievowounwoundds in marriage. There is great danger dwelling in the past shocks of problems in your marriage, they will stop you from cultivating a fresh love. Make Jesus the director of your home. Learn to say I am sorry darling at all times. It is not costly to say. It heals a lot of wounds. Your marriage can change.

PRINCIPLES FOR GODLY COURTSHIP

“Two people will not walk together unless they agree.”  

 Amos 3:3 (Easy to road)

“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Amos 3:3 (NLT) 

I. UNDERSTANDING SOME TERMS RELATED TO COURTSHIP

1.  What is Courtship?

Courtship is a period before wedding/marriage where a Christian brother and sister agree about so many issues and see if they both share the same vision, hope and aspiration about marriage. “Courtship is an adopted word to describe the Biblical model for the relationship between a man and a woman that leads to marriage.” 

Courtship commences when the man and the lady have both decided to get married and such decision has already been made known first to the church and then to both families.  It is a period of making preparation for the wedding and getting to know more of each other. It is a time to harmonize goals, study each other, deepen the relationship and pray and seek for the further confirmation of the will of God for them.

2.  What is Engagement?

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary defines engagement in marriage as an agreement to marry somebody or the period during which two people are engaged.

Engagement takes place during courtship. The people involved are fully convinced that it is God's will for them to get married. They express it by exchanging a token e.g ring or Bible. it might be formal or informal.

Informal engagement means getting few friends and words of exhortation is given before they present their tokens. Formal is much more elaborate with so many guests to witness the occasion.  It is the last activity before the payment of bride price.

In Nigeria, Delta State in particular, for most people, engagement starts on the day of introduction when the two families meet and the family of the man visit that of the girl or bride-to-be with some drinks to inform the girl's family of their intention to marry their daughter.  After the introduction they are now engaged and it can be further cemented with a token.

3.  What is Dating?

According to Oxford Advanced Learners' Dictionary, a date is a meeting that you have arranged with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is a pre-arranged time spend with a person of the opposite sex.

Dating is advanced boyfriend and girlfriend relationships.  Dating is the same thing as going out steadily with a person of the opposite sex.

Dating is a destructive method of making a marriage choice. Dating is a white man's tradition which has gradually filtered into the church. It is not a biblical doctrine.

Dating and courtship are different.  Dating is a relationship between two persons hoping that they will get married in future while courtship on the other hand commences when they have both decided to get married.

You cannot enter into courtship without someone you do not intend to get married to, but you can date someone simply because you are attracted to the person.

II.​WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT COURTSHIP

The word "courtship" cannot be found in the Bible but it was an accepted culture during Bible times.

Matthew 1:18.

There are 3 stages in a Jewish marriage:

1. The two families agree to the union of the man/woman.

2. A public announcement is made.  At this point, the couple is said to be 'pledged' or engaged.  There is usually no sexual relationship between them.  This was the situation between Joseph and Mary.

3. The couple gets married and begin to live together.  It is at this stage that sexual relationship can take place.  Stages 1 & 2 can be said to be similar to the courtship period of nowadays. 

Deuteronomy 20:7; Genesis 29:14-21.

The Bible standard is that to be pledged or engaged or to be in courtship should not be a license to indulge in sexual pleasure rather it should be a time to avoid sex completely.

III.​ISSUES TO BE DISCUSSED DURING COURTSHIP

There are so many issues that are needed to be discussed during courtship. The list can go on and on. 

* Favorite and most disliked foods.  Proverbs 18:2

* Identification of one's likes and dislikes.

* The date of traditional marriage and wedding should be fixed.

* Discuss the nature of wedding you want.  Whether a quiet, moderate or society type.  You should discuss how the wedding would be funded.  Colossians 3:2,17.

* Discuss and agree on where you want to live after the wedding.

* Church/Fellowship both of you would want to continue to worship after the wedding.

* Discuss on how you want to spend your honeymoon.

* Discuss your temperamental type (sanguine, choleric, melancholic or phlegmatic).  Discuss ways to manage your weaknesses and hand over prayerfully to the Holy Spirit for transformation. Romans 7:21-25.

* Discuss your spiritual life with your spouse-to-be.  The level you are now and the level you desire to get to.  Do not pretend, remember that your spouse-to-be will later find out exactly who you are.  2 Corinthians 13:5

*Talk about your future plans.  Your educational aspiration, ministerial aspiration, your vision and goals and then try to harmonize them.  Amos 3:3

* Dress Code.  Let him/her know how you want him/her to always dress.

Cleanliness in the home should be discussed.  1Timothy 2:9; Proverbs 7:10-11; Deuteronomy 22:5; 23:9-14.

* Talk about how you would want to relate and handle your in-laws, extended family members, friends, neighbours and co-workers.  Ruth 1-4; Luke 10:27; Proverbs 25:17; 1Timothy 5:8; Matthew 10:36; 15:3-6.

* Discuss whether you want house-help or not.  The consequence for each option should be discussed.

* You should agree on the number of children you want to have and whether you want to space them or not.  Also talk about the level  of education and training you want to give to them. 1Timothy 5:8.

* Discuss how you would want to handle the finance of the home.

* Discuss how conflicts would be resolved and possible ways you can express your likes and dislikes.

* Talk about the several things that can be done to make your marriage a happy one.

* Discuss your past relationship with your spouse-to-be.  How was your sex life?  Are you a virgin or not? Have you ever been raped?  Answers to these questions should be discussed.   However, if you know that you are both not mature to keep secrets then do not discuss such things.  Prov. 25:9.

* The issue of family altar, personal quiet time, fasting together, night prayers etc. should be discussed.

IV. ACCEPTABLE ACTIVITIES THAT CAN TAKE PLACE DURING COURTSHIP

* Visit relations of your spouse-to-be together when going to visit key or important relations of your spouse-to-be.  The man should not go empty handed.  Go with a bottle of non-alcoholic wine.

* Go for formal introduction to the lady's family and formally introduce her to your family.

* Undergo all the programmes and seminar the marriage committee wants you to pass through.

* Carry out all the medical tests you are told to do.

* Discuss many things together.

* Pray together but not in a hide out or in the home of your spouse-to-be with all doors locked.

* Organize fasting programme together as well as individual basis.

* Seek for marriage counseling from a mature Christian, Marriage counselor, pastor, mentor etc.

* Study the word of God together.  Such studies should be documented for further reference.

* Read good Christian books on marriage, home management etc and share what you read with each other.

* Find out about his/her personal background but be careful of hear-say.  His/her relationship with parents, friends, neighbours, co-workers etc.   Find out whether he/she is trustworthy, selfless, dependable, lazy etc.

* Is God the very first thing in his/her life?  Does he/she have the fear of God?

* Find out about his/her family, hometown, and foundation.  This can be done spiritually through prayers or the Holy Spirit can guide you to people who can give you the information you need.

* Go to conferences, Seminars, Programmes and workshops together.  In all your outing, let God control and direct you.

* Make phone calls, send text messages and give gift but not too often.

* Visit him/her only when necessary.  Nevertheless, be careful.  You are not expected to cook and wash his clothes because you are not yet married.  Remember that after the wedding, you will have countless meals to cook and clothes to wash.

It is not a time to kiss, romance or have sex.  Ecclesiastes 3:1.

* If you are of different tribes, it is time to look for somebody of the same tribe with your spouse-to-be to teach you certain things about the culture of the people.  The woman can learn how cook the local dishes of her spouse-to-be.

* It is not a time of watching or reading pornographic films and books.

V.  DURATION OF COURTSHIP

The aims of courtship are that the couples may be able to study each other well enough as to be able to understand each other.

A short duration will not afford the intended couple enough time to study each other.  On the other hand, a long duration of courtship may give room for sexual temptation.

Therefore, the duration of courtship should range between six months and one year.

VI. ACCEPTABLE PLACE OF MEETING FOR THE INTENDED COUPLE

As wedding approaches, the couple-to-be may need to meet more frequently as they may have many issues to discuss.  There is always the tendency to want to be meeting at the house    of either of them.  This is dangerous because even if the intended couples are sure of themselves, they should not allow the devil to their their good testimony through appearance of evil.

The following are ideal places to meet during your period of courtship:

* The church

* The Pastor's house

* Marriage counselor's or mentor's house

* The house of a member of the marriage committee.

* A deacon/deaconess' house.

* The lady's family house but under the watchful eyes of her parents.

CONCLUSION 

Courtship calls for honesty.  A relationship built on lies is a relationship built on a sandy soil. It will collapse. A “preacher” once woo her partner through lies in their period of courtship but, regrettably, a year after their wedding, the marriage collapsed. So to have a successful courtship, courting partners must be honest to themselves at all costs in all their dealings with each other.

CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP Part 2

CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP PART 2

“Two people will not walk together unless they agree.”    

Amos 3:3 (Easy to road)

“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”   Amos 3:3 (NLT) 

What is Christian Courtship?

Christian Courtship is a period before wedding/marriage where a Christian brother and sister agree about so many issues and see if they both share the same vision, hope and aspiration about marriage. “Courtship is an adopted word to describe the Biblical model for the relationship between a man and a woman that leads to marriage.” 

From the Word of God that is quoted above, we can reliably gather that Christian courtship involves two people that have agreed to walk together, in the direction of marriage (not sleeping together before marriage).

 Marriage is spiritual and orderly. It must be treated with utmost respect; hence the Christian Courtship is very important for intending brother and sister that have agreed to marry.

It is during the Courtship that proper biblical foundation must be laid down in order to have a happy married life.

Despite the enormous responsibilities and challenges that come with marriage, yours can bear that totem “happy married life” that is the plan of God for you as His child. The Bible says, he has made us both Priest and kings (Rev.1:6) and if you permit queens. So for a Christian brother he is a king while the sister is a queen (please smile to that).

A king must have a queen to establish a royal family which God also intended for His children as established in 1Pet. 2:9. 

God wants your marriage future to be a kind of “Heaven on Earth.”

 Hence, before you venture into wedding plans both of you must agree on a lot of things like what you both want for your marriage. Both of you must realize that marriage means TILL DEATH DO US PART!

That word “agree” from Amos 3:3 is very deep. You need to ask yourself “Do we agree”.

“Are we walking towards a common goal?”

You don’t need to fast and pray before you answer those questions.

If your choice of marriage partner is worried about your involvement in church activities, then there is a problem. If he or she is not comfortable with your reading the Bible or speaking in tongue, then I don’t think you are headed in the same direction. If he or she is someone that find it difficult to give and pay tithe regularly, then you shouldn’t bother about him/her.

Agreement on what direction you want your marriage to go can only be attained on the platform of courtship.

The following are excerpts (as regard courtship) from the book written by one of my spiritual fathers; Bishop David Oyedepo titled “Bible sense for getting into marriage”.

1)    After proposing to a lady and she has agreed to marry you, the next thing to do is to obey the Biblical injunction to prove all things (1Thes 5:21)

2)    The courtship period is the time to prove your relationship. Yes your spirit agrees that you have made the right choice, but you still need to prove all things.

3)      Courtship is a fact-finding period. Marriage without courtship naturally ends in crisis because there was no opportunity to get to know each other and prove whether the choice made was wise or not.

4)     Impatience is responsible for many marriage failures in the western world today.

5)     Courtship can be broken. This should not be mistaken for divorce. If your ideas and ideals are not similar, common-sense demands that you call it quit.

(Author’s note; don’t make it a habit of breaking your courtship at the slightest excuse…).

6)    Courtship is a covenant culture for a successful marriage. One month is not sufficient. Two months is risky. Man is a complex being.

7)     The proving process is the personal responsibility of the individuals involved because they are the ones to live together. Do not allow your parents or family to prove your spouse for you.

Practical Guidelines for Christian Courtship

 1. What is Christian courtship?

Definition. A mutual commitment made between a man and a woman, only as a result of knowing God's will for each other, for the purpose of:

* Getting to know each other & their background better.

* Preparing themselves for marriage with the clear understanding that if the courtship does not know out, both persons are to be mature enough to part as friends, without resentment and with all due respect for each other's feelings

Courtship is a period set apart by spouses in order to try to win the affections of each other with a view to marriage. Therefore, in light of this, whatever you do in your process of courtship determines the success or failure of it.

2. Who is ready to enter into Christian courtship?

a. Mature (mentally and emotionally) single adults; not divorced before.

b. Who recognize their gift for marriage (I Cor 7:7) [or don't have the gift of celibacy. You may choose to be single.

c. Who are sure that they're God's will for each other as marriage partners.

d. Who are serious with their commitment only to each other, and no one else.

3. How should we conduct ourselves in Christian courtship?

A. DOs

1. Be free & teachable enough to seek for pastoral advice from godly married couple and the church leadership.

2. Freely interact with godly married couples and observe their Christian marriage lifestyle and family life. Ask questions to prepare yourselves.

3. Learn more about each other in communication, working life, ministry and family background.

4. Learn to understand and accept each other's personal differences.

5. Serve God together in preparation to serve God as a married couple; learn tocomplement each other as a ministry team and not to compete.

6. Equip yourselves with adequate understanding of Christian courtship & marriage through reading wholesome Christian literature and attending regional SCG classes.

7. Be willing to relate and fellowship with others in group setting; bearing in mind that you are to set a positive example as a Christian courting couple, for other singles as a model.

8. Exercise self-control in our passion towards each other; be determined to keep ourselves pure for marriage. ( Heb 13:4 )

B. DON'Ts

1. Do not be exclusive in relating only with each other all the time. (Heb 10:24-26, Eph 5:3, Gal 5:16, 19-21 )

2. Do not plan to isolate yourselves (during your date) in dark or solitary places where you can be easily tempted.

3. Do not give in to your passions and abuse your bodies for sexual sins; e.g. petting, pre-marital sex. (Gal 5:6, 19-21)

4. Do not deceive yourselves that "it's alright to fondle each other passionately (i.e. petting), if you love each other and are already committed to be married." I Cor 7:9. Pro 6:27-28

5. Do not watch movies of R-rated nature.

6. Dressing - low cut, mini skirts

7. Holidays - either in a group or just the two of you.

8. Visiting home - keep away from your rooms and especially when there is no one at home.

9. Do not plan to have a long courtship (more than 2-3 years) and be influenced by the worldly system in striving to "save-up" for a lavish wedding celebration and when furnished house, if you cannot afford it. (I Tim 6:6-10)
Note Well:
A. I Cor 6:19&20 (temple of God)
B. Rom 12:1 &2 (be an example)
C. Jer I7:7&10 (you will reap what you sow)

Are You Ready For Courtship?

Ask yourself:

• HAVE I KNOWN THIS PERSON FOR LONG ENOUGH AND IN A BROAD ENOUGH CONTEXT TO HAVE AN ACCURATE UNDERSTANDING OF HIS OR HER CHARACTER?
• DO WE HAVE THE SAME RELIGIOUS BELIEFS? ARE WE BOTH BAPTIZED? ARE WE BOTH CONVERTED (REMEMBER PAUL’S ADMONITION IN 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14)? ARE WE BOTH IN THE SAME CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP?
• DO WE COME FROM A SIMILAR RACIAL AND CULTURAL BACKGROUND? [NOTE: THE CHURCH HIGHLY DISCOURAGES INTERRACIAL DATING AND MARRIAGE AND ENCOURAGES PEOPLE TO ASK: WHAT IS GOD’S WILL AND DESIRE?
• ARE WE BOTH RELATIVELY CLOSE IN AGE AND “STAGE IN LIFE”?
• DO WE HAVE A SIMILAR FAMILY BACKGROUND AND SIMILAR VIEWS AND EXPECTATIONS ON THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY?
• DO WE HAVE SIMILAR VIEWS ON HAVING CHILDREN AND CHILD REARING?
• ARE WE UNIFIED ON OUR VIEWS ABOUT THE ROLES OF A HUSBAND AND WIFE?
• DO WE HAVE SIMILAR VIEWS AND EXPECTATIONS REGARDING LARGE FINANCIAL ISSUES?
• DO WE HAVE SIMILAR VIEWS ON HOW TO SPEND LEISURE AND RECREATIONAL TIME?
• FOR A MAN: IS HE EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY MATURE? IS HE SPIRITUALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO BECOME THE SPIRITUAL LEADER OF HIS FAMILY? DOES HE HAVE ADEQUATE TRAINING AND EDUCATION AND IS HE IN A POSITION TO FINANCIALLY SUPPORT A WIFE AND FAMILY?
• FOR A WOMAN: IS SHE MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND? IS SHE EMOTIONALLY AND EDUCATIONALLY PREPARED TO LEAD A HOME AND FAMILY?

"Qualities of My Future Mate"

Note: These are example characteristics to seek in a future mate. Make your own list, and have parent(s) or an older friend who knows you well make one (or contribute to yours). You may be surprised at what they offer.

• DEEP CONVERSION (NOT JUST BAPTISM)
• FOR MEN, THE NECESSARY TRAINING AND EDUCATION TO LEAD AND SUPPORT A FAMILY 
• FOR WOMEN, THE NECESSARY SKILL, EDUCATION AND TRAINING TO MANAGE A HOME AND REAR CHILDREN 
• AMBITION TO CONTINUE TO GROW SPIRITUALLY 
• FRUITS OF GOD’S HOLY SPIRIT, AND A DESIRE TO “GROW” THESE FRUITS (GALATIANS 5:22–23) 
• THE HUMILITY AND DESIRE TO PUT SPOUSE AND FAMILY FIRST 
• FOR MEN, THE DESIRE TO AND ACTIONS TO SUPPORT A DEEP LOVE FOR HIS WIFE 
• FOR WOMEN, THE DESIRE TO RESPECT AND SUBMIT TO AND FOLLOW HER HUSBAND 
• A GOOD REPUTATION AMONG FAMILY MEMBERS, BRETHREN, THE MINISTRY, AND CO-WORKERS 
• EXCELLENT AND GODLY CHARACTER 
• PATIENCE AND HUMILITY 
• FOR MEN, THE ABILITY AND CHARACTER TO “TAKE THE LEAD” WHEN NECESSARY 
• FOR WOMEN, THE ABILITY TO HUMBLY FOLLOW AND ALLOW THE HUSBAND’S LEAD WHEN NECESSARY 
• THE ABILITY AND DESIRE TO WORK AS A “FAMILY TEAM” 
• STRONG SPIRITUAL HABITS (“REGULAR” PRAYER, STUDY, MEDITATION AND FASTING) 
• ORIENTED TOWARD SERVING OTHERS 
• FAITHFULNESS IN TITHING AND GIVING OFFERINGS 
• DEDICATED TO THE TRUTH AND GOD’S WORK 
• VALUES THE PRIORITIES OF: GOD, SPOUSE/FAMILY, JOB 
• HAS EMOTIONAL MATURITY 
• HAS A SIMILAR FAMILY BACKGROUND 
• VALUES FAMILY RELATIONSHIP 
• YOU FILL IN THE REST…

GUIDELINES FOR A SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP
However, in order to have successful courtship, below are some very important tips arranged to assist you:

1. BE AVAILABLE: So many things puts demands people’s attention today. Yet in the midst of all the distractions courting partners must make some sacrifices to be available with each other. This will help them have a better understanding of each other emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

2. BE OF SERVICE TO YOURSELVES: In order to have a successful courtship, courting partners must be ready to be of service to each other. They must be ready to know each other’s needs and make sacrifices to solving then. These services may includes caring for each other, spending good time together in prayers for each other, and doing whatever will bring joy or happiness to each other within the period of courtship and during marriage.

3. BREAK EVERY SOUL TIE: To have a successful courtship, you must be prepared to break up any relationship you have earlier established with any other party. This is because when you maintain two or more relationships at a time, you put demands on your emotion and spirit. This is the same as flirting or lasciviousness; such kind of relationship will be a cancer to the success of your courtship and future marriage. To do this, you must pray well and be ready to stand for one person. Someone once said, “Those who cannot stand for one thing will fall for almost everything" .

4. BE HONEST TO YOURSELVES: A relationship built on lies is a relationship built on a sandy soil. It will collapse. A “preacher”once woo her partner through lies in their period of courtship but, regretably, a year after their wedding, the marriage collapsed. So to have a successful courtship, courting partners must be honest to themselves at all costs in all their dealings with each other.

5. MAINTAIN SEXUAL PURITY: Sex is for marriage and not for courtship. To have sex before marriage destroys love and trust. It will even bring guilt to your spirit. Therefore, to avoid this, you must say no to sex during courtship and prayerfully stand by it waiting for your wedding day. When you do this, you’ll find that God will honour your marriage in heaven and make it bliss on earth.

CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP Part 1

CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP  Part 1

GEN. 29:11-20
Key Verse: Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleaness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5

INTRODUCTION
Christian courtship is a period before wedding/marriage where a Christian brother or sister agree about many issues and see if they both share the same vision, hope and aspiration about marriage. Christian courtship involves two people that have agree to walk togetther, in the direction of marriage. Amos 3:3

TEXT REVIEW
The Bible established some desired behaviours which are acceptable to a Christian courship:
1. Assistance between proposed partners - Jacob rolled the stone from the well's mouth and watered Laban's (father of Rachael) flock. Genesis 29:10
2. Introduction of proposed partner to selves and parents - Jacob told Rachael that he was her father's brother... And Laban heard the tiding... Gen 29:12-14
3. Family acceptance - And Laban brought Jacob to his house. Gen 29:13
4. Exchange of pleansantries - "And Jacob kissed Rachael ... And Laban embraced Jacob and kissed him". Gen. 29:11,13. Note the use of kissed in the two verses does not connotes sinful passion between unmarried partners that could lead into sin. It is a form of greeting or exchange of pleasantries or else Laban would would not have kissed Jacob. See 1Peter 5:14.
5. Payment of dowry -  "I will serve thee for seven years for Rachael thy younger sister. Gen 29:18
6. Genuine love - "And the seven years was like a few days for the love he had for her".
Thank God for God's principles for Christian courship.

I. IMPORTANCE OF COURSHIP
1. It is period to get to know each other properly in terms of strength and weakness.
2.  It allows for proper planning towards the marriage.
3. It is time to seek parents' consent. Gen. 24:54-59.
4. It is a time to undertake marriage counseling lessons.
5. It is not a time to indulge in bodily, emotional and sexual pleasure and sin. Romans 12:1-2.  This will lead to failure in marriage.
6. It is time to lay proper biblical foundation for a happy married life.

II.  LONG COURTSHIP NOT ADVISABLE
1. Long courtship is not advisable in the interest of the partners.
2. Such may expose the partners to sexual temptations and violation of divine guidelines (touch not,  taste not, handle not) - Colossians 2:21.
3. It may lead to jilting by the unstable partner.
4. A minimum period of six months and a maximum of one year is recommended or advisable.

III.   SOME COURTSHIP TIPS FOR SINGLES
When courtship is properly done, it can build a strong foundation for the marriage thereby positioning the marriage for success.
1. It is wise to consider courtship only at a time when you are ready to get married. Do not lead people to sin by giving them a false hope,courtship is not boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
2. There is no point courting someone you will not consider marrying. You must only go into courtship with someone God has approved for you for a life partner.
3. One of the aims of your courtship is to be certain that God has approved your relationship. In courtship you have to be able to confirm this as this will prove valuable to you in marriage.
4. Be deliberate about praying and finding out God's willing (purpose) for the new family you are about to start.
5. Endeavour to spend time with each other's families. Families often observe what you cannot see. More so, since they will always influence your marriage either directly or indirectly you will have the opportunity to observe them too.
6. Emotional Intimacy; Guard your feelings, do not lose your head and fall into sin. Allow your relationship to grow naturally before sharing(dumping) all your secret with your partner. Some people have had to regret this when the courtship did not eventually lead to marriage. Focus on knowing each other.
7. Physical Intimacy; Work with each other to agree on the limits and boundaries upfront and ensure you stick to it. There is no point drawing a boundary that will not be respected.
8. Kissing and hugging; it is advisable you save the kiss till you get married. Kissing can spark up romantic flames that may lead to many other things.Hugging is an expression of love for some people but it should also be done with moderation or avoided.
9. Be deliberate about where and when to spend time alone together. Avoid late nights or spending time in lonely places.
10. Keep scandal at bay; do not give room for people to assume that you are having sexual relationship with your partner. Scandals can ruin your credibility.
11. Be accountable to each other and to a mentor; Develop a list of guidelines for your courtship to keep you on the right path. Also, consider submitting yourself to a mature Christian with a great marriage to advice and guide you.
12. Create time to pray individually and together with your partner. Life is spiritual.
13. Ensure you are active in church; This will also help you observe your partner area of passion andhow he/she behaves in a group.

Hope you find this helpful. May God engrace us to go through this challenging period in purity.

Summary:
Courship is a necessary ingredient for a happy and joyful married life.

CONCLUSION
Our heavenly Father is best friend anyone can have. Remember, He is the one that ordained the institution of marriage. It will be dangerous for anyone to attempt to establish a home without Him. Courship is not a period to play pranks. Watch and be warned.