NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE

Title: NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Text: Matthew 19:4-6 (NKJV)

*"And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.'”*

INTRODUCTION 
Marriage is a divine institution ordained by God from the beginning of creation. It is a union that transcends the physical, joining two individuals into one spiritual, emotional, and physical entity. Today, as we gather to witness this sacred covenant, it is crucial to understand the significance of the words "No longer two but one."

1. THE DIVINE DESIGN OF MARRIAGE
In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus refers to the original design of marriage as instituted by God in Genesis 2:24. When God created Adam, He saw that it was not good for man to be alone and created Eve as a suitable helper (Genesis 2:18). The union of Adam and Eve was the first marriage, and it set the precedent for all marriages to come.

- Unity in Creation:
God created them male and female, emphasizing the complementary nature of the husband and wife. Each brings unique qualities and strengths, and together, they form a complete unit. This unity is reflected in the words "the two shall become one flesh." It is a mystery how God joins two distinct individuals into one entity, but it is a profound truth that underpins the marriage covenant.

2. BECOMING ONE IN PURPOSE
The phrase "no longer two but one" signifies more than just physical union; it represents a unity of purpose, goals, and vision. In marriage, the husband and wife are called to walk together in agreement (Amos 3:3).

- Shared Vision:
A successful marriage is built on a shared vision and purpose. The husband and wife must align their lives with God's will and work together to fulfil His plans. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 reminds us that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labour. Together, they can accomplish much more than they could individually.

3. ONE IN LOVE AND SACRIFICE
Ephesians 5:25-33 provides a beautiful picture of the sacrificial love that is to characterize the marriage relationship. The husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. This love is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional.

- Mutual Submission:
Ephesians 5:21 also calls both husband and wife to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This mutual submission is a key component of becoming "one." It involves putting the needs and desires of the other person above your own and seeking to serve one another in love.

- Example of Christ and the Church:
 Just as Christ and the Church are one, so too should the husband and wife be. The marriage relationship is a reflection of the union between Christ and His Bride, the Church. It is a sacred bond that should be nurtured and protected.

4. A BOND THAT CAN NOT BE BROKEN
Jesus emphasizes that what God has joined together, no one should separate (Matthew 19:6). Marriage is a lifelong covenant that is not to be taken lightly. It is a bond that should be cherished and guarded.

- Commitment:
In a world where commitment is often fleeting, marriage calls for a deep, unwavering commitment to one another. It requires faithfulness, perseverance, and a resolve to stand by each other through all of life’s challenges.

- Covenant Before God:
Marriage is not just a contract between two individuals; it is a covenant before God. As Malachi 2:14-16 explains, God is a witness to the marriage covenant, and He desires that it be upheld with integrity and faithfulness.

CONCLUSION:
Today, as we witness the joining of these two lives, let us be reminded of the profound mystery and beauty of marriage. The journey ahead will have its challenges, but with Christ at the centre, this union can thrive and grow stronger each day.
May this marriage be a reflection of God’s love, a testimony of His grace, and an example of the unity that He intended from the beginning. Let the words of Matthew 19:6 resonate in our hearts: *“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”* 

PRAYER:
Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of marriage and the beautiful union we celebrate today. We pray that You bless this couple, guiding them as they embark on this journey together. May their love grow deeper with each passing day, and may they always find their strength in You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

MARRIAGE WITHOUT TEARS

Title: Marriage Without Tears: Building a Strong and Joyful Union with Biblical Principles

INTRODUCTION:
Marriage is a beautiful institution ordained by God, but it can be challenging. This lesson explores biblical principles for building a strong and joyful marriage, helping couples navigate common issues and cultivate a loving relationship.

I. COMMUNICATION (Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 18:21)

- Practice active listening and express yourself clearly
- Avoid hurtful words and tone

II. LOVE AND RESPECT (Ephesians 5:25-33, 1 Peter 3:7)

- Husbands, love your wives unconditionally
- Wives, respect your husbands and submit to their leadership

III. TRUST AND FORGIVENESS (Proverbs 10:9, Matthew 6:14-15)

- Build trust through honesty and transparency
- Practice forgiveness and let go of grudges

IV. INTIMACY AND AFFECTION (1 Corinthians 7:3-5, Song of Solomon 8:6-7)

- Prioritize emotional and physical intimacy
- Show affection and affectionate gestures

V. CONFLICT RESOLUTION (Matthew 5:23-24, Ephesians 4:26-27)

- Address conflicts promptly and respectfully
- Seek resolution and forgiveness

VI. FINANCIAL UNITY (Matthew 19:4-6, 1 Timothy 5:8)

- Manage finances together and prioritize needs
- Avoid debt and financial stress

VII. PARENTING AND FAMILY (Ephesians 6:1-4, Psalm 127:3-5)

- Partner in parenting and discipline
- Prioritize family time and bonding

VIII. SPIRITUAL UNITY (Matthew 19:4-6, 2 Corinthians 6:14)

- Share a common faith and spiritual values
- Pray and worship together

CONCLUSION:
Marriage without tears requires effort, commitment, and biblical principles. By applying these principles, couples can build a strong and joyful union, navigating challenges with love, respect, and forgiveness. May God bless and guide your marriage!

DIVORCE: CAUSES, EFFECTS AND REMEDIES

DIVORCE: CAUSES, EFFECTS AND REMEDIES

BIBLE PASSAGE: MATTHEW 19:3-9

3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Note this:

The longest marriage of our time took place in America between Mr. Herbert and Mrs. Zelmyra Fisher. They were married for 86years and 290 days.

They were both born in 1905 and 1907 respectively. The marriage ended when the husband died in 2011. The wife also died in 2013. They both lived for 105 years.

The shortest marriage in the world happened in Kuwait. After the court marriage the bride tripped and fell as she was climbing the stairs and the husband said "stupid" she quickly went back to the court to dissolve the marriage.

The shortest marriage in Nigeria lasted for 7 days. It was an Islamic marriage between Ali and Aisha. The husband manhood was too big for the wife. The marriage was dissolved in Zamfara.

Note: Marriage is the union of two imperfect people. Problems are bound to arise, but patience, honestly and love will keep your marriage going.

INTRODUCTION

Divorce is ending a marriage between a husband and wife. It is the breakage of marriage vows, either by the decision of one or by the decision of both partners.

Divorce is the cessation of family relationship.

In America, it is estimated that in every 10 marriages, 7 will likely end up in divorce.

In our country today the rate at which people break their marital relationship is alarming.

Most Nigerian celebrities do not have  lasting marriages.

Today we have contract marriage where people marry for a specific period of time.

Lots of issues are fighting against marriages today because we have deviated from God's original plan.

Anyone considering divorce must have experienced months or years of struggle with their spouse. They are familiar with emotional distance, insecurity, fear, depression, anger, and perhaps betrayal. Life has become so difficult that divorce seems like the only path toward peace and happiness. Our High Priest empathizes with believers in such state (Hebrews 4:15). However, God clearly explains His reasons for esteeming marriage so highly. He says it was He who “made them one” (Malachi 2:15). Marriage was God’s idea and any deviation from His design is detestable to Him. Marriage is not just a contract; it is a covenant. This is why God hates divorce and the consequences can be grievous.

1.  GOD HATES DIVORCE

Marriage is a picture of the covenant God has with His people (1Cor.6:17) and He wants us to understand how serious it is. When a husband or wife chooses to violate the covenant of marriage, it mars and makes a mockery of the God-created concept of covenant relationship. (Rev.19:7-9; 2 Cor.11:2). 

God never intended divorce to be a part of human experience and it grieves Him when we harden our hearts and break a covenant that He created (Matt.19:4-8).

Malachi 2:15 gives us another reason God hates divorce. He says He is “seeking godly offspring.” God’s design for the family was that one man and one woman commit themselves to each other for life and rear children that will understand the concept of covenant as well. Children reared in a healthy, two-parent home have a far greater likelihood of establishing successful marriages themselves.

SEVEN MAJOR CAUSES OF DIVORCE IN NIGERIA

Divorce in Nigeria is on the rise and is a major cause for concern. Divorce can occur for a variety of reasons, many of which are still being discovered. 

Few Nigerians divorce in a courtroom.  Either the wife is separated from the husband, leaves unexpectedly with the children, or one of the couples separates from the other. When one or both couples insist on continuing their separate lives, the home is no longer intact. These are the top 10 reasons for divorce in Nigeria.

1. The issue of infidelity

A relationship can end when one partner leaves it to satisfy their needs, whether they be physical or sexual. Infidelity is a significant contributor to divorce. It is one of the legal reasons for divorce in addition to the longer-than-a-year separation and abuse of your spouse (mental or physical). You only share everything with the person you are married to.

The majority of sad people may even die as a result of marital infidelity because it causes so many negative emotions like anger, betrayal, hurt, and pain that are sometimes difficult to forgive and forget.

2. The lack of communication 

Marriages require excellent communication, and failing to do so quickly can result in dissatisfaction and anger on both sides, which negatively affects the marriage in all respects. However, effective communication is the backbone of a healthy marriage. When two individuals are living together, they must be able to communicate their wants, as well as comprehend and make an effort to meet those of their partner.

Couples who cease communicating with one another may also feel alone and isolated and stop showing affection to one another altogether. The relationship can end as a result of this.

3. Unforgiveness

This is yet another major cause of divorce. No sin is too great to be pardoned. When one partner has vowed in his or her heart never to pardon the other for an error made, an offence committed, or injustice committed, they are unable to continue living happily together. Unforgiveness generates grief and resentment, which develops wickedness and hatred. This is the explanation for why partners are murdered in their sleep by their spouses. Without forgiveness, nothing and no one can endure in any marriage. 

4. Lack of love

Every relationship, including marriage, needs to have love. Forgiveness, communication, understanding, tolerance, patience, happiness, belief in one another, compromise, the oneness of heart, and trust are all characteristics of love. Without love, marriage is merely a contract and will lack the qualities of love listed above. Only love can motivate two people to be married.

There is love between couples in today’s world, but it can be love for what and not for who. It might be a love for an eight-figure financial account or a figure-eight body. They will undoubtedly look outside to fill the void left by the absence of what they love. Thinking of your spouse before yourself is a sign of true marital love. Always put your spouse first and be willing to support them no matter what.

5. Lack of mental preparation 

Anyone who doesn’t plan is planning to fail. Without mental preparation, financial, spiritual, and bodily preparedness falls short. In a marriage, a lot of unexpected things might happen. Your mental readiness will alert you to be on the lookout for the unexpected and nothing will catch you off guard.

6. Lack of courtship

Young people frequently get married without taking the necessary time to get to know each other better; instead, they simply meet, become drawn to one another, and assume they are in love. The opportunity to court someone allows you to learn more about their personality, lifestyle, and worldview. You will learn about your HIV status, whether you are both fertile if you are compatible, and other things during the courtship. Before getting married, all of these things need to be taken into account because they are also major contributing factors to divorce.

7. The issues of infertility

Nigerians have a particular attitude about having children; after two years of marriage, couples frequently worry about starting a family. Infertility is sometimes attributed to women even when the man is to blame. This can be a major source of conflict in certain marriages.

When one partner becomes fed up with the situation and decides to have children outside of the marital home, it frequently results in divorce.

8. Other causes

I. Stealing and secret debts

ii. Constant denial of sex

iii. Dishonesty and telling of lies

iv. Habit of drunkenness

v. Violent disagreement and serious quarreling

vi. Laziness

vii. Polygamy

viii. Poverty

ix. Retaining friendship with former male/female friends.

x. Nagging and gossip. Etc.

CONSEQUENCES OF DIVORCE

There is a direct correlation between the way a man treats his wife and the effectiveness of his prayers. God does not listen to the pleas for blessing from those who have broken the covenant of marriage (I Pet 3:7).

Divorce is associated with many negative outcomes. Here are some;

Divorce is a death of a union, and therefore the death of a dream, a promise and a family unit. Everyone involved -even a perpetrator- will feel grief and loss during a divorce. If there are children involved, they will experience severe grief over the loss of being with both parents together and living under the same roof.

Divorce marks a pivotal moment in a person’s life, especially for children; life as they know it changes forever and they become different versions of themselves, adapting to new routines and new versions of their parents (who have also changed).

Children of divorced parents are more likely to experience poverty, educational failure, early and risky sexual activities, non-marital childbirth, early marriage, cohabitation, marital discord and divorce.

Following a divorce, parents and children often experience emotional and psychological problems, that can last for years, even for the rest of their lives. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, distrust, insecurity, lack of intimacy, confusion over sexuality and/or gender, guilt, faithlessness, loneliness, bitterness, and rebellion manifest themselves in children who have lived through divorce of their parents.

Divorce matters can lead to a poor sense of judgment especially on marital issues, increase in crime, drug/alcohol addiction and even suicide attempt.

The productivity of divorcees/divorced men may reduce at work and in their service to God.

There is a chance of another divorce. Research shows that about 60% of divorcees/divorced men who remarry will divorce again. Realistically, most people carry the unresolved issues from their last failed marriage into the next marriage.

SOME QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ON DIVORCE

i. Is there any scriptural ground for divorce?

ii. Answer:- There is one and only one reason and that is fornication. Matthew 19:9

iii. What does the word ‘fornication ’mean in this passage?

iv. Answer: The basic meaning is illicit sexual relationship with third party

v. The innocent ‘partner’ should be ready to forgive the ‘guilty partner’ Matthew 6:14-15, Prov 28:13

vi. Divorce was not in the original plan of God for human beings.

vii. How long is a marriage contract?

viii. Answers:

a. Until death breaks it. Matthew

b. In Marriage, God performs a miracle when two individuals become one person

c. Only God is permitted to break that union by taking one of the partners in death

xi. Can the innocent partner’ in a divorce re-marry?

Answers:

i. It is doubtful if there is such a thing as an innocent partner in the sight of God.

ii. It is most likely that the innocent’partner had failed in some ways.

xii. Why should people avoid divorce like a plaque?

Divorce represents a tragedy that has undermined the home, the very basis of society. Misery always follows in its path, broken homes, bruised and broken hearts, bewildered, homeless children, delinquent youth, loneliness, tears and at times sucide or insanity. The couple should consider the walfare of the children who would suffer most and the shame connected with divorce and the scandal that it engenders. Many Christians look at divorce as sinful, regardless of the circumstances because it is a public admission of utter failure which belittles the power of Christ. Phil 4:13 Economic disaster often follows divorce and it is the cause of lack of love and happiness in marriage.

COUNSEL FOR PARTNERS IN A SHAKY MARRIAGE

Question i:- What biblical counsels are available for partners in a shaky marriage?

Answers:

i. The husband and wife should renew their solemn vow of, for better for worse till death do them part.

ii. Both should get it right with the Lord first- by returning to the Lord in prayer

iii. Both should get it right with each other

iv. Both or offending partner should confess sin and genuinely repent

v. Mutual sharing and understanding would help marriage work

vi. Spending quality time in prayer both as individual and couple would work wonders. James 5:16

vii. Husbands should assume the status of responsibility and provide for the family. 1Tim 5:8

viii. Wives should be subject to their husbands. Eph 5:24

ix. Husbands and wives should continue to be attracted to each other in genuine love.

x. Genuine love should be allowed to radiate all through the spheres of the marriage.

xi. Determination in godliness to allow the marriage to work despite odd is a good pill for a recovery.

CONCLUSION

Marriage is indissoluble according to Scriptures.

Cleave, not to leave (spouse) and leave not to cleave (with parents and family).

Higher than the power of man to put asunder.

Paul gave the commandment of marriage in 1Cor. 7:10-11. let not the wife depart and let not the husband put away his wife.

Genuine love in marriage covers multitude of sins and prevents eventual break up.

 If God hates divorce, believers should do everything possible, including consulting with the Author of marriage – God, to make the marriage work.

CLOSING PRAYER

i. Father, let divorce be a thing of the past in our society.

ii. Father, please come and heal broken hearts and marriages

LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE OUR WIVES HAPPY

LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE OUR WIVES HAPPY
Gen. 2:18; Prov. 5:15-19; Eph. 5:25-32; 1Pet. 3:7

Introduction: Little things make our wives feel loved and appreciated. Sometimes those things are minute and attention is not given to them. Sometimes we feel they are not important and we sweep them under the carpet. That is why the house is no smelling.
The essence of this teaching is to help you realize the importance of these little things that build up our relationship.

1. GIVE HER A PET NAME
Pet name is a name we use to show our affection for our spouse. It is not proper to call your wife by her real name.
Names like "Nkem"  Mine, "Obim" Sweetheart, honey, love, beauty, darling, one, precious, etc makes her feel on top and shows that the husband really cares.
Stop calling her Mama Emeka, Mama Bonboy, look for a suitable pet name if you don't have one.

2. BUDGET TOGETHER AND SPEND TOGETHER.
Your wife deserves to know how much comes in during the month and how it is spent. Always solve this mathematics together. If you fail to carry her along she will give you headache.

3. SAY 'THANK YOU'.
Marriage is a school of experience. Learn to appreciate your wife when she does something good. Thank her for the delicious meal. Thank her for bearing your name. Thank her for becoming the mother of your children.
Some will eat delicious meal and keep quiet. The day there is much pepper, they complain.
To make your wife happy always remember to thank her for whatever she does well. When she makes her hair, dresses well, give her compliments.

4. SAY 'I AM SORRY'
To keep the marriage brimming in love learn to admit whenever you are wrong. Women love God fearing men and godly men easily forgive and say sorry when they are in the wrong. Buying her new wrapper is good but first apologize.

5. ACKNOWLEDGE
Acknowledge that you are not yet a perfect husband. Tell her you are wishing to be the best husband the world is expecting to emerge.
Tell her you don't know what you would have become without her. Let her know that since you met her things have changed for better.
Women are happy with words. They are touched when you say good things to them.

6. POUR EN-COMMIUM
Tell her how much you appreciate the little things she does for you. Esteem her highly before family, friends, and neighbours. Hold her hands and tell her how proud you are of her. Hold her hands as you walk on the street.

7. LOVE HER (EPH 5:25-32; IPET 5:15-19)
Love is like coughing. It cannot be hidden. Socrates said "happiness in marriage begin when we marry the ones we love, and the blossom when we love the ones we marry".
Buy gifts for her. Take her to good eatery once in a while. Give her gifts. Change her wardrobes. Do household chores for her, help her bath the children, help her shine her shoes, iron her clothes. Sometimes when washing clothes, include her own.
You wife did not come to your home to suffer.
Help her especially when she is pregnant. Don't make her regret of marrying you.

8. GIVE HER OPTIMUM, MAXIMUM SEXUAL SATISFACTION.
Marriage is a gift from God. Sex is also a beautiful gift from God for married couples for their mutual enjoyment, happiness and satisfaction.
Sexual satisfaction is kingdom business. Proverbs 5:19 "let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished always with her love".
Real sex has not taken place until your wife experiences orgasm. That excitement makes a wife to get up and say to her husband "thank you sir", "God bless you, my husband". This will make her submit to you always.
If you are the hit and run type, don't expect this type of appreciation. That is why she is always finding excuse whenever you need her because never satisfy her.
God never intended marriage to be boring, lifeless and dull.

9. HONOUR HER
On her birthday, celebrate her achievements; honour her with gifts. Make the whole world to know you marry an amazing person.

10. ASK HER OPINION
involve her in decision making. Ask for her input. Most women are intelligent. Some who find it difficult to gather money when they married, their wives help them to save and build houses.
Her advice is always very valuable. Carry her along in every aspect of your life because she is your help meet as the Bible says. Gen. 2:18

11. MAKE HER LOOK GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL.
Everything about woman is packaging. If she is short, buy high heels for her. Buy beautiful clothes for her. No woman is ugly. Make your wife beautiful in your best possible way.

12. TRUST YOUR WIFE (PSALMS 118:8-9)
A marriage without trust is bound to collapse. Marriage like any other business is established on trust. Be transparent with her (Gen.2:25). Let her know your salary or your income. Let her know your ATM pin code. This will kill suspicion and strengthen your relationship. It is wrong for a wife to say I don't trust my husband and vice versa.
ILL. How would Jonah's wife in the Bible feel when the husband comes home and say for three days I was in the belly of a fish that is while you have not seen me. Trust your spouse even when it does not make sense to you.

13. FIX HER PROBLEMS.
No woman wants to suffer. They love men who help them solve and fix their problems. Sit and listen to her complaints and fix them. Don't make your wife to look like a widow while you are still alive.

14. YOUR PRESENCE AT HOME.
You presence at home around your wife and children matters a lot. It makes a great difference. Help your wife in the discipline of your children. Play with your children, check their school books, help them with their homework.

15. TAKE HER OUT
Take her out from time to time. Take your wife with you when going for important occasions. Let the public know you are proud of her.

16. STOP CRITICISING YOUR WIFE (Acts 8:29b)
If you are not close to your wife, you can never speak with one voice with your wife. And a times you will be judging her wrongly. If you want to correct your wife for a wrong doing, never do that in the public. This will anger her and make her not to respect you.

17. ALWAYS SHOW CONCERN
When your wife is sick or somebody dies always show concern. Take your wife to the hospital and pay the hospital bills and stay with her until she recovers. Treat her people the way you treat your own people. Don't show favouritism. Love your children equally and treat them the same.

18. PROTECT AND DEFEND YOUR WIFE.
Protect your wife from intruders, family members, your children and neighbours. Anybody that disrespects your wife has disrespected you.
The way you treat your wife is how your children and others will treat her.
Don't join outsiders to criticize your wife.

19. MAKE HER LAUGH
Crack jokes from time to time to make her happy. Play with her, sing your wedding songs together and march the way you did on your wedding day.

20. PRAISE AND CELEBRATE HER ACHIEVEMENTS.
Nothings stinks as when a husband forgets his wife's birthday, fails to recognize the wife's accomplishments or fail to appreciate what she does at public functions, fails to treat her as the queen that she is, she will not be happy.

CONCLUSION
One of the major key that have kept my marriage is patience and tolerance. No one is perfect. We must accept each other the way we are. Learn to forgive and not keep malice. Learn not to sleep without reconciling differences.
Pray with your spouse and attend fellowships together.
No body is perfect. It is in your hands to make your marriage work. Sow great love into that marriage and you will reap happiness for the rest if your lives.

Prayer
1.Husbands should pray and bless their wives. Tell God what they desire of their wives.
2. Pray for those who have not given their lives to Christ.
3. Pray for grace upon all married couples and success in their marriages.

KNOWING THE WILL OF GOD IN MARRIAGE

KNOWING GOD'S WILL IN MARRIAGE  

"House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD."-Proverbs 19:14 

BIBLE PASSAGE: Genesis 24:1-19

INTRODUCTION

I can assure you that the determination to know God's perfect will in marrage is one of the best decisions any Christian can ever make in life.
Marriage is the legal relationship between a husband and wife that lasts for a life time. The step taken before going into this journey is very important to prevent pitfall- Genesis 2:21-22. In knowing God's will, therefore, you do not have to rely on vague hunches and weird rituals. As a child of God, you have' His word, it is spirit within you, and His men to guide and counsel you. 

I.   FOUR TYPES OF WILL

Firstly,I want you to know that some scholars say that we have 4 types of WILL namely:
1.Perfect will of God--

this is getting the real blessing which God in His divine wisdom knows is the best for your life,though most times we find it very difficult to agree with God but in the end,one will surely thank God for His foresight,wisdom and direction.

2.Permissive will of God--

God may eventually allow his child to have his/her way after many begging and considerations.Of course you should be able to bear the consequences of your neglecting God's will for your life.King Saul was given to the Israelites grudgingly by God.Many old testament saints practiced polygamy which God frowns at but He reluctantly permitted them to divorce/remarry/or marry many wives out of endurance.Believe me,each of them that tried those things came back to regret their actions later.

3.Self Will--

Closely knitted with permissive will though this may be completely outside God's plan for the individual.The Israelites decided in their own will/volition to go out and attack the enemies without God's permission and they were massacred like christian chickens,for deciding to embark on an action not sanctioned by God.Samson had a covenant with God not to intermingle with unbelievers in marriage but he blatantly ignored God's directive and slept on Delilah's lap and he met himself in the mortuary.  Solomon knew clearly that marrying the daughters of Pharaoh was against God's will for him but he disobeyed and he ended up a wretch.

4.Satanic/Demonic Will--

Powers of darkness can super-impose their own will on human beings in order to fulfill satanic mandate or try to frustrate God's plan.

II.  THE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD FIRST 
Marriage is a creation of God. It all started from Him - Gen.2:18. God will only guide His own - Jer.1 0:23. He will not play a guessing game with His people. He wants us to know and do His will and He is actively involved in revealing it. Therefore, before seeking God's will in marriage, first have relationships with Him - Ps.119:130; Ps.119:105. Develop your God's gift and master how God guides your steps - Ps.85:8. This will reduce stress, give your life meaning and prepare you for eternity 2 Pet. 1:3-4. You must be found working - Gen.2: 15-18. Marriage is not for lazy people. Marriage is for adults. 

II.   GODLY COUNSEL FOR MARRIAGE
God does not want His people to be joined with unbelievers 2 Cor.6: 14-16; 1Cor.6:15-17. How do we recognise His will in marriage?
a. Through the word of God - Prov.3:5-7. God has placed His word in our hands so we can have a much more objective set of guidelines to follow than dreams, feelings and impulses. Despite your dreams and conviction, pray to have scriptural backing - Prov.18:22; Gen.2:22; Prov.19:14.
b. God will work in you to do His will. He will use circumstances and situations to perfect His will for your life - Rom. 8.28;.Phil.2:12-13. You must therefore remain sensitive; paying attention to doors He opens and closes to direct your path.
c. Through the counsel of elders or spiritual heads in the church - Psalm 1:1; Pro.19:21; 11:14; 15:22; 20:5; Rom.15:14; Acts 1:24; Titus 2:3-5. Passion for sex may influence your hasty decision for self-pleasures, therefore, at that sensitive moment, do not despise Godly counsel from spiritual heads- Judges 14:1-3, Prov.14:29; Isa.52:12.
d. The environment you are and your peers will also influence your choice. Therefore, keep company with believers and not unbelievers - 1 Cor.15:33; 1 Samuel 8:5-6. 

CONCLUSION
Prayer, pure word of God, worship, fellowship and service for God and right environment of good spiritual nourishment are factors that aid our spiritual sensitivity. Pray for our singles today.

BUILDING A HOME OF YOUR CHOICE

 Building A Marriage Of Your Choice

TEXT: Genesis 28: 18-25; Psalm 127:1-5; Ephesians 5:21-23; Proverbs 18:22, 24:3-6

INTRODUCTION
Marriage is like a building, it requires wisdom and knowledge of God to build it. It is a vision from heaven, then it requires the help of He that formed it first. Except the Lord builds your marriage, you will simply be laboring in vain. It requires love, understanding and proper connection to the Spirit of God to get all you need in your home. The success of your home is a choice, it does not fall like ripe fruits from heavWhen I When you have a wrong picture of your husband in your mind, you cannot be happy in that home aga,in until you change that image. Such bad pictures of your husband in your mind will always make his good intentions to be misinterpreted. You can't have peace in your life if you take away your husband's peace.

CHOOSING THE RIGHT PARTNER FOR LIVING
1. No man is an angel, but any man can become an angel of any home by the making of a good woman. Genesis 2:18, 21-25
2. No man has all the qualities it takes to make a good home, but every good quality needed can, be cultivated. Don't choose because of riches, but by the love of God. Prov. 18:22
3. The success of your marriage is in your hands. Every good marriage is built by someone like you. Prov. 14:1
4. Every woman must have a vision, to build a man of her choice. So you don't get, tired until the man of your choice is ,found in your home. If it is a vision, it requires hard work and tolerance to get such a man. Isaiah 62:1-7

BUILDING ACCORDING TO VISION
1. Do you have a vision for your home? If yes, then write and explain that vision to yourself and build it to succeed. Hab. 2:2-3
2. It takes a renewed mind to have an excellent home not conformed to the world. Rom. 12:1-2
3. Marriage is not bondage, slavery, or captivity, it is God's mini-kingdom on Earth. 2 Cor. 6:11-18
4. Do not be a brawling, barking, nagging, and gossiping woman. Prov. 21:9,19; 15:1
5. Learn to protect the image of your husband from destructiograveyardrdur home a grave yard where many people are killed through gossip. Prov. 26:20-28
6. Never hand over your husband to Satan by your character. Prov. 24: 3-6

BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE ON A SOLID FOUNDATION
1. The only power that can crush your marriage is the one you devoteto work. 1 Pet. 3:8-11
2. The greatest obedience is the obedience in the presence and the absence of your husband. Phil. 2:12
3. When problems are properly handled in marriage, the bitterness in them disappears without delay. Isa. 43:18-19
4. When problems are given room in marriage your home becomes a dangerous home. Prov. 18:6-8
5. The devil can never force you whenpontoonsnontoonis offer in your home. 1 Peter 5:8-9
6. When marriage is wrongly handled, you become bitter rather than better. Mal. 2:14-16
7. If lgivesve theevethe e freedom to reign in any home, nothing stands to oppose and win. 1 Cor. 13:4-7

CONCLUSION
Love is the mhealsmortalss mostmoststtt grievowounwoundds in marriage. There is great danger dwelling in the past shocks of problems in your marriage, they will stop you from cultivating a fresh love. Make Jesus the director of your home. Learn to say I am sorry darling at all times. It is not costly to say. It heals a lot of wounds. Your marriage can change.

PRINCIPLES FOR GODLY COURTSHIP

“Two people will not walk together unless they agree.”  

 Amos 3:3 (Easy to road)

“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Amos 3:3 (NLT) 

I. UNDERSTANDING SOME TERMS RELATED TO COURTSHIP

1.  What is Courtship?

Courtship is a period before wedding/marriage where a Christian brother and sister agree about so many issues and see if they both share the same vision, hope and aspiration about marriage. “Courtship is an adopted word to describe the Biblical model for the relationship between a man and a woman that leads to marriage.” 

Courtship commences when the man and the lady have both decided to get married and such decision has already been made known first to the church and then to both families.  It is a period of making preparation for the wedding and getting to know more of each other. It is a time to harmonize goals, study each other, deepen the relationship and pray and seek for the further confirmation of the will of God for them.

2.  What is Engagement?

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary defines engagement in marriage as an agreement to marry somebody or the period during which two people are engaged.

Engagement takes place during courtship. The people involved are fully convinced that it is God's will for them to get married. They express it by exchanging a token e.g ring or Bible. it might be formal or informal.

Informal engagement means getting few friends and words of exhortation is given before they present their tokens. Formal is much more elaborate with so many guests to witness the occasion.  It is the last activity before the payment of bride price.

In Nigeria, Delta State in particular, for most people, engagement starts on the day of introduction when the two families meet and the family of the man visit that of the girl or bride-to-be with some drinks to inform the girl's family of their intention to marry their daughter.  After the introduction they are now engaged and it can be further cemented with a token.

3.  What is Dating?

According to Oxford Advanced Learners' Dictionary, a date is a meeting that you have arranged with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is a pre-arranged time spend with a person of the opposite sex.

Dating is advanced boyfriend and girlfriend relationships.  Dating is the same thing as going out steadily with a person of the opposite sex.

Dating is a destructive method of making a marriage choice. Dating is a white man's tradition which has gradually filtered into the church. It is not a biblical doctrine.

Dating and courtship are different.  Dating is a relationship between two persons hoping that they will get married in future while courtship on the other hand commences when they have both decided to get married.

You cannot enter into courtship without someone you do not intend to get married to, but you can date someone simply because you are attracted to the person.

II.​WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT COURTSHIP

The word "courtship" cannot be found in the Bible but it was an accepted culture during Bible times.

Matthew 1:18.

There are 3 stages in a Jewish marriage:

1. The two families agree to the union of the man/woman.

2. A public announcement is made.  At this point, the couple is said to be 'pledged' or engaged.  There is usually no sexual relationship between them.  This was the situation between Joseph and Mary.

3. The couple gets married and begin to live together.  It is at this stage that sexual relationship can take place.  Stages 1 & 2 can be said to be similar to the courtship period of nowadays. 

Deuteronomy 20:7; Genesis 29:14-21.

The Bible standard is that to be pledged or engaged or to be in courtship should not be a license to indulge in sexual pleasure rather it should be a time to avoid sex completely.

III.​ISSUES TO BE DISCUSSED DURING COURTSHIP

There are so many issues that are needed to be discussed during courtship. The list can go on and on. 

* Favorite and most disliked foods.  Proverbs 18:2

* Identification of one's likes and dislikes.

* The date of traditional marriage and wedding should be fixed.

* Discuss the nature of wedding you want.  Whether a quiet, moderate or society type.  You should discuss how the wedding would be funded.  Colossians 3:2,17.

* Discuss and agree on where you want to live after the wedding.

* Church/Fellowship both of you would want to continue to worship after the wedding.

* Discuss on how you want to spend your honeymoon.

* Discuss your temperamental type (sanguine, choleric, melancholic or phlegmatic).  Discuss ways to manage your weaknesses and hand over prayerfully to the Holy Spirit for transformation. Romans 7:21-25.

* Discuss your spiritual life with your spouse-to-be.  The level you are now and the level you desire to get to.  Do not pretend, remember that your spouse-to-be will later find out exactly who you are.  2 Corinthians 13:5

*Talk about your future plans.  Your educational aspiration, ministerial aspiration, your vision and goals and then try to harmonize them.  Amos 3:3

* Dress Code.  Let him/her know how you want him/her to always dress.

Cleanliness in the home should be discussed.  1Timothy 2:9; Proverbs 7:10-11; Deuteronomy 22:5; 23:9-14.

* Talk about how you would want to relate and handle your in-laws, extended family members, friends, neighbours and co-workers.  Ruth 1-4; Luke 10:27; Proverbs 25:17; 1Timothy 5:8; Matthew 10:36; 15:3-6.

* Discuss whether you want house-help or not.  The consequence for each option should be discussed.

* You should agree on the number of children you want to have and whether you want to space them or not.  Also talk about the level  of education and training you want to give to them. 1Timothy 5:8.

* Discuss how you would want to handle the finance of the home.

* Discuss how conflicts would be resolved and possible ways you can express your likes and dislikes.

* Talk about the several things that can be done to make your marriage a happy one.

* Discuss your past relationship with your spouse-to-be.  How was your sex life?  Are you a virgin or not? Have you ever been raped?  Answers to these questions should be discussed.   However, if you know that you are both not mature to keep secrets then do not discuss such things.  Prov. 25:9.

* The issue of family altar, personal quiet time, fasting together, night prayers etc. should be discussed.

IV. ACCEPTABLE ACTIVITIES THAT CAN TAKE PLACE DURING COURTSHIP

* Visit relations of your spouse-to-be together when going to visit key or important relations of your spouse-to-be.  The man should not go empty handed.  Go with a bottle of non-alcoholic wine.

* Go for formal introduction to the lady's family and formally introduce her to your family.

* Undergo all the programmes and seminar the marriage committee wants you to pass through.

* Carry out all the medical tests you are told to do.

* Discuss many things together.

* Pray together but not in a hide out or in the home of your spouse-to-be with all doors locked.

* Organize fasting programme together as well as individual basis.

* Seek for marriage counseling from a mature Christian, Marriage counselor, pastor, mentor etc.

* Study the word of God together.  Such studies should be documented for further reference.

* Read good Christian books on marriage, home management etc and share what you read with each other.

* Find out about his/her personal background but be careful of hear-say.  His/her relationship with parents, friends, neighbours, co-workers etc.   Find out whether he/she is trustworthy, selfless, dependable, lazy etc.

* Is God the very first thing in his/her life?  Does he/she have the fear of God?

* Find out about his/her family, hometown, and foundation.  This can be done spiritually through prayers or the Holy Spirit can guide you to people who can give you the information you need.

* Go to conferences, Seminars, Programmes and workshops together.  In all your outing, let God control and direct you.

* Make phone calls, send text messages and give gift but not too often.

* Visit him/her only when necessary.  Nevertheless, be careful.  You are not expected to cook and wash his clothes because you are not yet married.  Remember that after the wedding, you will have countless meals to cook and clothes to wash.

It is not a time to kiss, romance or have sex.  Ecclesiastes 3:1.

* If you are of different tribes, it is time to look for somebody of the same tribe with your spouse-to-be to teach you certain things about the culture of the people.  The woman can learn how cook the local dishes of her spouse-to-be.

* It is not a time of watching or reading pornographic films and books.

V.  DURATION OF COURTSHIP

The aims of courtship are that the couples may be able to study each other well enough as to be able to understand each other.

A short duration will not afford the intended couple enough time to study each other.  On the other hand, a long duration of courtship may give room for sexual temptation.

Therefore, the duration of courtship should range between six months and one year.

VI. ACCEPTABLE PLACE OF MEETING FOR THE INTENDED COUPLE

As wedding approaches, the couple-to-be may need to meet more frequently as they may have many issues to discuss.  There is always the tendency to want to be meeting at the house    of either of them.  This is dangerous because even if the intended couples are sure of themselves, they should not allow the devil to their their good testimony through appearance of evil.

The following are ideal places to meet during your period of courtship:

* The church

* The Pastor's house

* Marriage counselor's or mentor's house

* The house of a member of the marriage committee.

* A deacon/deaconess' house.

* The lady's family house but under the watchful eyes of her parents.

CONCLUSION 

Courtship calls for honesty.  A relationship built on lies is a relationship built on a sandy soil. It will collapse. A “preacher” once woo her partner through lies in their period of courtship but, regrettably, a year after their wedding, the marriage collapsed. So to have a successful courtship, courting partners must be honest to themselves at all costs in all their dealings with each other.