DEALING WITH IN-LAWS AND EXTENDED FAMILY

DEALING WITH IN-LAWS AND EXTENDED FAMILY

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Genesis 2:24
Supporting Texts: Ruth 1:16-17, Exodus 18:17-24, Matthew 19:5-6, Romans 12:18

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INTRODUCTION:

Marriage is not just a union between two individuals but also brings families together. While extended family relationships can be a source of blessing, they can also create tension if not handled wisely. The Bible provides principles on how to honour parents and in-laws while maintaining the integrity of the marital relationship. In this message, we will explore how couples can set healthy boundaries and maintain peace in their dealings with in-laws and extended family.

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1. THE BIBLICAL PRINCIPLE OF LEAVING AND CLEAVING

• a) Marriage establishes a new family unit (Genesis 2:24)
  • A man must leave his parents and unite with his wife to form a new family.
• b) Cleaving requires prioritising your spouse (Matthew 19:5-6)
  • A strong marital bond is built on commitment and unity.
• c) Boundaries must be established with love (Ephesians 5:31)
  • Couples should honour their parents while setting clear marital priorities.
• d) Interference can weaken the marriage bond (Proverbs 25:17)
  • Too much involvement from in-laws can lead to conflicts.
• e) Biblical Example: Abraham and Sarah
  • Abraham obeyed God by leaving his father’s house, which allowed him to focus on his family and God’s purpose (Genesis 12:1-4).

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2. HONOURING PARENTS AND IN-LAWS WITH WISDOM

• a) Honouring parents is a commandment (Exodus 20:12)
  • God expects us to respect our parents even after marriage.
• b) Honour does not mean blind obedience (Matthew 10:37)
  • Loyalty to God and marriage should come first.
• c) Seek counsel but make independent decisions (Exodus 18:17-24)
  • Moses listened to Jethro’s advice but made his own choices.
• d) Avoid taking sides in conflicts (Proverbs 15:1)
  • Couples should be peacemakers between their spouse and extended family.
• e) Biblical Example: Ruth and Naomi
  • Ruth honoured her mother-in-law but prioritised her new life with Boaz (Ruth 1:16-17).

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3. SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES WITH LOVE

• a) Boundaries protect the marriage relationship (Song of Solomon 2:15)
  • Small interferences can destroy unity if not controlled.
• b) Discuss and agree on family interactions (Amos 3:3)
  • Couples should communicate their expectations regarding in-laws.
• c) Respectfully communicate boundaries (Colossians 4:6)
  • Boundaries should be explained with wisdom and love.
• d) Limit financial dependence on extended family (Proverbs 22:7)
  • Uncontrolled financial obligations can create tension.
• e) Biblical Example: Jacob and Laban
  • Jacob had to set boundaries with Laban to protect his own family (Genesis 31:25-55).

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4. DEALING WITH DIFFICULT IN-LAWS PEACEFULLY

• a) Seek to live in peace with all (Romans 12:18)
  • Even difficult in-laws should be treated with kindness.
• b) Respond with patience and wisdom (Proverbs 15:1)
  • A gentle response can diffuse tension.
• c) Pray for God’s intervention (Philippians 4:6-7)
  • Prayer changes situations and hearts.
• d) Involve spiritual or neutral counsel when needed (Matthew 18:16)
  • If conflicts persist, seek wise counsel.
• e) Biblical Example: Hannah and Peninnah
  • Hannah endured Peninnah’s provocations with patience and prayer (1 Samuel 1:6-10).

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5. BALANCING FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE

• a) Spouse must always come first (Ephesians 5:25)
  • A husband’s primary duty is to love and protect his wife.
• b) Encourage positive relationships with in-laws (1 Peter 3:8-9)
  • Peaceful relationships bless the marriage.
• c) Handle family traditions wisely (Colossians 2:8)
  • Cultural practices should not override biblical principles.
• d) Recognise when to say ‘no’ (Galatians 1:10)
  • Pleasing extended family at the expense of the marriage is dangerous.
• e) Biblical Example: Moses and Zipporah
  • Moses’ marriage faced challenges from his family, but he remained focused on his mission (Exodus 4:24-26).

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CONCLUSION:

Dealing with in-laws and extended family requires wisdom, love, and balance. While marriage calls for a new beginning, it does not mean cutting off family ties. The key is to honour parents and in-laws while prioritising the marriage relationship. With prayer, communication, and boundaries, peace can be maintained in the family.

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PRAYER POINTS:

1. Lord, grant us wisdom to handle family relationships with love.
2. Every spirit of strife and division, be removed from our marriage.
3. Father, help us to set healthy boundaries without disrespecting our families.
4. We declare peace in our interactions with in-laws and extended family.
5. Lord, strengthen our unity as husband and wife.
6. Every external influence causing problems in our marriage, be removed.
7. Father, give us the grace to honour our parents and in-laws in a godly way.
8. Lord, protect our home from negative interference.
9. Let love and understanding reign in our extended family relationships.
10. We declare that our marriage will be a testimony of peace and harmony!

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PROPHETIC DECLARATIONS:

1. Your marriage shall be free from external conflicts!
2. God will give you wisdom to maintain peace with your in-laws!
3. Every negative influence on your marriage is removed in Jesus’ name!
4. The Lord shall make you a peacemaker in your family!
5. Your home shall be a model of love and unity!
6. No family interference shall break your marital bond!
7. The grace to set godly boundaries is released upon you!
8. You shall experience divine favour with your in-laws!
9. Your marriage shall be a testimony of God’s wisdom and peace!
10. You shall build a home that glorifies God and stands strong in love!